Why Can’t I Orgasm?

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Why can’t I orgasm? 

For a ton of people, reaching a climax is anything but easy. 

Orgasmic disorder is quite common in women, affecting roughly 10 – 15% in community-based studies

Sexual pain disorders are also prevalent, affecting 10% to 15% of women, and less evident in male patients, affecting 5% of men. 

Others might need a very long time to orgasm, sometimes taking them almost an hour. 

Is that normal? When we talk about sex, there is no such thing as normal. 

Don’t try to conform to a perceived idea of how long the sex should last because this can stress you out and add pressure on your partner. 

Instead, you should get rid of the idea of a time limit and enjoy the intimate experience. 

Secondly, if you have trouble climaxing, you should look at the different reasons why you can’t orgasm. 

That way, you can address the problem and work on achieving a pleasurable sex life. 

Here is all you need to know about why you can’t orgasm. We also listed some additional tips on reaching a climax for both women and men.

Why can’t I orgasm?

Reasons some women can’t come

Causes of orgasm problems in women can be psychological or physical. For example:

  • Mood disorders, like anxiety or depression
  • Feeling anxious or worried about performing well in bed
  • Lack of sufficient stimulation
  • Traumatic sexual experiences in the past
  • Communication problems with their partner
  • Hormonal changes, like during pregnancy or menopause
  • Using antidepressants regularly
  • Having a health condition like multiple sclerosis or cardiovascular disease
  • Taking birth control pills 

Reasons some men can’t come

Some chronic health problems, medications, and surgeries can cause orgasm problems n in men. It could also result from psychological or physical problems, or a combination of both. For example:

  • Poor body image
  • Feeling anxious or worried about performance
  • Having anxiety, stress, or depression
  • Differences between the reality of intercourse with a partner and sexual fantasies
  • Religious or cultural taboos
  • Relationship problems
  • Having sexual dysfunction 
  • Recent prostate surgery
  • Neurological complications or nerve damage

“Why am I having trouble coming as a woman?” This is a common question at any sexual health clinic. 

A 2018 report studied the different reasons women are unable to climax. Experts assessed the perceived causes of orgasmic difficulty in 452 women during partnered sex. 

The most common reason women can’t finish was due to stress and anxiety. Other reasons include a lack of arousal, poor body image, lubrication, medical issues, and pain.

We can divide male sexual dysfunction into 3 main categories. These are hypogonadism, ejaculatory disorders, and erectile dysfunction. 

“I don’t feel anything when I ejaculate.” If this problem sounds all too familiar, then you might have orgasmic anhedonia. 

This is also known as PDOD (pleasure dissociative orgasmic dysfunction). The condition doesn’t affect your sex drive. But you can’t feel pleasure when you climax.

People with this rare health problem still feel eager to have intercourse. Men can ejaculate, and women are fully aware when climaxing. The main issue is that there is no pleasure in it. With health problems such as these, it is important to talk to a specialist. 

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Potential accompanying symptoms

Many people want to know, “why doesn’t it feel good when I ejaculate?” Different types of sexual dysfunction exist. 

These include orgasm disorders (absence or delay of orgasm), arousal disorders (inability to become excited or aroused), pain disorders (having pain during sex), or desire disorders (lack of sexual interest). 

The potential accompanying symptoms with either of these can affect your ability to enjoy sex. 

In women:

  • Inability to relax the vaginal muscles for successful penetration. 
  • Insufficient lubrication before or during penetration.
  • Feeling pain during sex.
  • Lack of desire.

In men:

  • Difficulty maintaining or achieving an erection.
  • Delayed or absent ejaculation.
  • Having trouble controlling the timing of ejaculation.
  • Feeling pain with sex.
  • Lack of interest in sex.

So, what causes pain when you climax? Painful ejaculation or climax could be a symptom of an inflammation, infection, or blockage of the lower urinary tract. 

If you ever find yourself close to climax, only to experience discomfort and sharp pain after reaching it, then you might have dysorgasmia. 

In men, prostatitis can cause painful ejaculation. An enlarged prostate can also cause intimacy issues. 

Around 1 in 5 men with BPH (benign prostatic hyperplasia) and more than 1 in 2 with prostatitis experience painful ejaculation. Painful ejaculation impacts roughly 1 in 5 men who had surgery on the prostate. 

Overall, an orgasm shouldn’t be painful. It should be comfortable and pleasurable. 

When to see a doctor

If a man or woman experiences discomfort or pain during sex, it can be hard for them to climax. Many health problems go undiagnosed. 

If you tried masturbation and partnered sex but can’t orgasm, talk to a GP or sex therapist. People should see a specialist when the lack of climax from sexual activity becomes distressing.

If you have relationship problems, then see a relationship therapist. Adult life is full of ups and downs. 

So, it’s best to be open about any discomfort you might be feeling. This includes all the methods you tried to climax but didn’t work. That way, you can use worthy practices, work on self-love and improve your sex life. 

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Tips to achieve an orgasm

Bringing a man or woman to climax takes a bit of effort. You might be aroused and ready to go in the nick of time. But others require a lot of foreplay and emotional and physical stimulation. 

The tips below can help:

  • Work on clitoral stimulation. Many variations of oral sex can help, such as kissing, nibbling, broad licks, and firm massages. 
  • Use mental stimulation. For some couples, getting stimulated mentally is the key to finding the right pleasures. You can do that by setting the mood with some music, fresh flowers, and candles. 
  • Practice masturbating. Through mutual masturbation, you can explore each other’s spots and work on self-pleasure. You can find out what makes a woman feel good and use that to improve her mood before penetration. 
  • Experiment with sex toys. Sex toys, like vibrators, anal toys, or dildos, are scientifically designed to aid in your sexual pleasure. You can use them for experimenting with your or your partner’s body. 
  • Use lubricant. Applying lube decreases friction and lessens the risk of injury during penetrative sex. If a man or woman lacks lubrication, lubricants can enhance sexual pleasure. 
  • Communicate openly with your partner. Talk to your partner about their expectations and try to work out the relationship issues. Ask them what they like in the bedroom. That way, you can work on bringing a man or woman to climax.


Why does it take me so long to climax? Whenever you make intercourse a goal-oriented activity, you add an element of stress and pressure to it. It’s important to enjoy the experience and organic pleasure. 

If any physiological or psychological issues affect your ability to climax, then mitigate these issues. You shouldn’t stress during sex. And if the lack of orgasm is causing you distress, then talk to a specialist. 

In the meantime, try to use more foreplay and physical and emotional stimulation. Feel free to experiment with sex toys and apply a lot of lubrication. That way, you can manage the discomfort and make penetration feel more comfortable for both sides.

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