My lover is pregnant after just two dates – and I’m not ready to be a dad

DEAR DEIDRE: I GOT to know a great woman online, met her just twice, had sex once, and five weeks on I’m panicking because she’s pregnant.

She is adamant she is keeping the baby and I feel I’ve lost all control of my life.

A woman I've only known for two months says she's already pregnant with my baby1

A woman I’ve only known for two months says she’s already pregnant with my baby

I’m 27 and work as a chef in a pub.

I love the job but the hours are long and unsociable, so I don’t have many chances to meet women.

I’ve been single for a year so thought I would try my luck in online chat rooms.

It didn’t take long to find someone who seemed perfect.

At first we were just chatting.

I liked her a lot and so after a month she suggested we meet. She’s 25.

We went out for a few drinks and got on brilliantly.

A week later I invited her around to mine for dinner.

I have a small flat and we’d only eaten our starters before she made a move on me.

She came around to my side of the table and sat on top of me, kissing me.

We ended up having sex there and then, on the table.

I finally cooked the main course — steak and chips — at midnight.

We arranged to meet again when she returned from a three-week training course but now she has dropped this bombshell.

I don’t know what to do. It is way too soon.

She told me she could never contemplate an abortion and says she would never forgive herself.

I know we should have used protection but in the heat of the moment we didn’t think.

In my heart, I know I am not ready to have a child.

Part of me is wondering whether I am the dad.

For more advice from Dear Deidre

No issue is too small, too large or too embarrassing. Read our personal replies here.

DEIDRE SAYS: It sounds like you should have stayed in the kitchen – or at least put a condom on. Unfortunately you don’t know this woman at all.

She has told you she is pregnant and if she decides to keep the baby this really is down to her.

Suggest you meet for a face-to-face chat.

Ask what she plans to do about the pregnancy and whether she’s thought it all through.

My support pack Unplanned Pregnancy can help both of you to look at her options.

Tell her you are not ready for the commitment but if you are the dad, you’ll do the right thing by the child.

Please insist on a DNA test once the baby is born.

You can get more information about this from Child Maintenance Options (cmoptions.org, 0800 988 0988).

NEXT IN TODAY’S DEAR DEIDRE I’m terrified after my partner tried to kill me but I don’t know where to turn

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